beauty from pain exemplified
To look at her, even at second glance, you would never guess that she had a baby just five weeks before. Slender and petite, she is beautiful without trying, especially when she smiles. She smiles frequently, with a genuine warmth and care for others. The care, the selflessness, is evident even when tears fill her eyes.
I sat in the restaurant on Sunday afternoon beside her mom, making small talk and watching her smile and laugh with six of her friends. They are all around the same age: there in the crossroads of having just finished high school and about to begin college. One of the girls was her future college roommate. They looked so happy, sharing dessert and future plans. A table with gifts, cards and flowers stood in the corner. When we had all finished eating, we got to the real reason of why we were there. If I were her (we'll call her Allie for privacy reasons), I'd be nervous and shy, not wanting the focus to shift to me. If Allie was nervous she didn't show it, keeping her usual sweet poise as Jeannine asked if she would share an update on the baby.
"Well ..." Allie began, searching for what to say. "They sent me a picture of her and she's really growing. She has a double-chin now and is over six pounds." This of course is still small for many babies, but for one who is born almost two months premature it is very good. Allie smiled as she described a picture of the baby beside a teddy bear, a bear she also had. I once read, a long time ago, that when a mother looses her child her arms ache, because she is mentally expecting to hold and cradle her baby, and when that is taken away, a physical pain fills the void. Therefore it was very fitting, and very thoughtful, of the adoptive parents to give Allie a teddy bear for her empty arms to hold, and to send her pictures of the baby beside another of the same bears, giving Allie a visual image along with a physical object.
Finding out that one is pregnant at seventeen rouses many fears and questions. Allie, after going through all the options in her mind, realized the mistake that she and her boyfriend had made, gathered up her courage and told her parents. Her parents were shocked, naturally, but responded in the most godly way; with love, forgiveness, and open arms, telling their daughter that they would help her and that they loved her no matter what. Then, they came to us.
I don't remember how they came to call us, my boss Jeannine and I, at the maternity ministry that Jeannine was called to found and direct years prior, and that I was called to serve with after I met a girl in a similar situation as Allie. Maybe they heard about us through a friend or when looking for options and answers online, but however it was they began to meet with Jeannine: as a family, Allie and her boyfriend, and just Allie, who wore her heart on her sleeve and simply wanted to make something good come out of something frightening and unplanned. So, being a girl who was still in high-school, who wanted to graduate from college and be married before becoming a mother so that she could offer her child the best that she could, Allie chose adoption for her baby. She looked through many portfolios and read many letters from couples who longed for a baby but were unable to conceive. Prayerfully she choose a couple, met with them, and together they made a promise: Allie, that she would give them her baby so that the child would be raised by a mom and dad who were ready to provide and love the baby, and the couple that they would love the baby as their own and give her the best life they possibly could.
I met the couple for the first time just minutes before they would meet their new daughter. When it was time, I led them over to where Amy was holding her baby for the last time, the two of them taking each others hand as they followed me, lighting up with indescribable joy when they saw and held her for the first time. Both Allie's family and her boyfriend's family were present, saying goodbye and witnessing the gift of a new life being given to those who had waited and prayed for so long.
Allie, her friends, her mom and Jeannine and I were in the restaurant that afternoon for a special occasion: a Blessings Shower. A new mom gets a baby shower, along with flowers, meals and plenty of well-wishes. But what does a birthmom get? Mostly, it's swept up under the rug as though it never happened, a secret that families, friends and churches don't want to show. Jeannine, herself a birthmom (with an incredible story of God's grace) created Blessings Showers as a way to show these courageous women who have chosen to place their baby for adoption - a choice that goes against nature and which the majority of women bulk at ("I could never give my baby away after carrying him for nine months, no way" - a common response) - how much they are admired, respected and loved. So Jeannine asked if everyone present would speak a blessing over Allie. Their responses blew me away.
The first of Allie's friends who spoke began to cry almost immediately, and no one had a dry eye after that. Her friend said how amazed she was by how strong and selfless Allie had been through the whole ordeal, even when people began to spread rumors and lies about her. She said that through Allie she could truly see God's grace, purpose and strength, and that it caused her to have a closer walk with God and to trust in Him much more deeply than before. Others echoed some of the same about the rumors and Allie's courage, thankful to be her friend and to go through that time with her. Allie herself said that she could see God in such things as the baby being born early, making it possible for her to no longer be pregnant when she began college, and the peace of knowing that the adoptive couple was absolutely the right one to parent her child, seeing their love pour out not just on the baby, but in thankfulness and love for Allie herself. Through this, she had gained an extended family, one who would send her updates and pictures of the child through the years. Allie's mother spoke of how proud she and her husband are of "our Allie", and how it truly was a blessing to now be a part of the adoptive couple's lives. Allie made a huge sacrifice, and was able to give an unfathomable blessing.
Through her tears, Allie showed a peace and grace that was bestowed on her when she trusted God to make the situation something good. One little thing, one mistake, turned into something that touched many, many others. God's faithfulness was proved mightily, and will continue to show as the child grows up and is told about her birthparents who loved her so much that they were willing to give her the best home, parents, and life possible, embodying agape: unconditional love.
I sat in the restaurant on Sunday afternoon beside her mom, making small talk and watching her smile and laugh with six of her friends. They are all around the same age: there in the crossroads of having just finished high school and about to begin college. One of the girls was her future college roommate. They looked so happy, sharing dessert and future plans. A table with gifts, cards and flowers stood in the corner. When we had all finished eating, we got to the real reason of why we were there. If I were her (we'll call her Allie for privacy reasons), I'd be nervous and shy, not wanting the focus to shift to me. If Allie was nervous she didn't show it, keeping her usual sweet poise as Jeannine asked if she would share an update on the baby.
"Well ..." Allie began, searching for what to say. "They sent me a picture of her and she's really growing. She has a double-chin now and is over six pounds." This of course is still small for many babies, but for one who is born almost two months premature it is very good. Allie smiled as she described a picture of the baby beside a teddy bear, a bear she also had. I once read, a long time ago, that when a mother looses her child her arms ache, because she is mentally expecting to hold and cradle her baby, and when that is taken away, a physical pain fills the void. Therefore it was very fitting, and very thoughtful, of the adoptive parents to give Allie a teddy bear for her empty arms to hold, and to send her pictures of the baby beside another of the same bears, giving Allie a visual image along with a physical object.
Finding out that one is pregnant at seventeen rouses many fears and questions. Allie, after going through all the options in her mind, realized the mistake that she and her boyfriend had made, gathered up her courage and told her parents. Her parents were shocked, naturally, but responded in the most godly way; with love, forgiveness, and open arms, telling their daughter that they would help her and that they loved her no matter what. Then, they came to us.
I don't remember how they came to call us, my boss Jeannine and I, at the maternity ministry that Jeannine was called to found and direct years prior, and that I was called to serve with after I met a girl in a similar situation as Allie. Maybe they heard about us through a friend or when looking for options and answers online, but however it was they began to meet with Jeannine: as a family, Allie and her boyfriend, and just Allie, who wore her heart on her sleeve and simply wanted to make something good come out of something frightening and unplanned. So, being a girl who was still in high-school, who wanted to graduate from college and be married before becoming a mother so that she could offer her child the best that she could, Allie chose adoption for her baby. She looked through many portfolios and read many letters from couples who longed for a baby but were unable to conceive. Prayerfully she choose a couple, met with them, and together they made a promise: Allie, that she would give them her baby so that the child would be raised by a mom and dad who were ready to provide and love the baby, and the couple that they would love the baby as their own and give her the best life they possibly could.
I met the couple for the first time just minutes before they would meet their new daughter. When it was time, I led them over to where Amy was holding her baby for the last time, the two of them taking each others hand as they followed me, lighting up with indescribable joy when they saw and held her for the first time. Both Allie's family and her boyfriend's family were present, saying goodbye and witnessing the gift of a new life being given to those who had waited and prayed for so long.
Allie, her friends, her mom and Jeannine and I were in the restaurant that afternoon for a special occasion: a Blessings Shower. A new mom gets a baby shower, along with flowers, meals and plenty of well-wishes. But what does a birthmom get? Mostly, it's swept up under the rug as though it never happened, a secret that families, friends and churches don't want to show. Jeannine, herself a birthmom (with an incredible story of God's grace) created Blessings Showers as a way to show these courageous women who have chosen to place their baby for adoption - a choice that goes against nature and which the majority of women bulk at ("I could never give my baby away after carrying him for nine months, no way" - a common response) - how much they are admired, respected and loved. So Jeannine asked if everyone present would speak a blessing over Allie. Their responses blew me away.
The first of Allie's friends who spoke began to cry almost immediately, and no one had a dry eye after that. Her friend said how amazed she was by how strong and selfless Allie had been through the whole ordeal, even when people began to spread rumors and lies about her. She said that through Allie she could truly see God's grace, purpose and strength, and that it caused her to have a closer walk with God and to trust in Him much more deeply than before. Others echoed some of the same about the rumors and Allie's courage, thankful to be her friend and to go through that time with her. Allie herself said that she could see God in such things as the baby being born early, making it possible for her to no longer be pregnant when she began college, and the peace of knowing that the adoptive couple was absolutely the right one to parent her child, seeing their love pour out not just on the baby, but in thankfulness and love for Allie herself. Through this, she had gained an extended family, one who would send her updates and pictures of the child through the years. Allie's mother spoke of how proud she and her husband are of "our Allie", and how it truly was a blessing to now be a part of the adoptive couple's lives. Allie made a huge sacrifice, and was able to give an unfathomable blessing.
Through her tears, Allie showed a peace and grace that was bestowed on her when she trusted God to make the situation something good. One little thing, one mistake, turned into something that touched many, many others. God's faithfulness was proved mightily, and will continue to show as the child grows up and is told about her birthparents who loved her so much that they were willing to give her the best home, parents, and life possible, embodying agape: unconditional love.
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