quarter of a century

The days rush by. It really is rediculous how fast it can go. This month I'll be 25. When I close my eyes, I can remember being 15. A decade ago. My parents teaching me how to drive. Reaching up to adjust the rear-view mirror on my very first driving lesson, and having it break away from the glass as I held it and stared at it in shock. 15 was a clumsy age all around. High school. Slowly gaining a sense of who I was and wanted to be. Pulled towards older things by my parents, pulled towards childhood things by my younger siblings. Makeup and fashion that I resisted with an old-fashioned belief that I didn't have to change. That I was fine just how I was. Fast forward 3 years and those beliefs took a near 180 degree turn as the home-schooled girl was thrust into the "real world". There's never an easy way.



Close my eyes and remember being 5. Two decards ago. Older sister to a sister and brother. Our Grandmother living with us in a downstairs room, while I shared a room with my siblings upstairs. A room with a large window seat that I later used to sit on and read in the early light of morning, before the rest of the house was awake. A time when all that mattered was play time, and "look at me", and "what's for dinner" and "where are we going". I remember telling my parents that I wanted to be a teacher, or a missionary, or a singer. I would sing with abandon: Disney songs mostly, and a few that my mom loved to sing, such as old hymns or Broadway tunes. I was the leader of many of the games that my siblings and I played, yet I nearly always played the damsel in distress while my sister played the hero. I was always drawn towards the sad but hopeful roles while she towards that of the white knight. I'm sure that I could look up the psychoanalysis of that childhood tendency, but for now I prefer to leave the memories be.



Memories are important to me. Maybe because reading, listening to music, writing, family and friends are all important to me. Therefore I tend to gage the importance of things by memories and accomplishments.