The Topic Of Happiness

"And we'll never be royals
It don't run in our blood,
That kind of luxe just ain't for us.
We crave a different kind of buzz."
 - Royals, by Lorde


This past summer, I read the book "The Happiness Project", by Gretchen Rubin. The book began when the author decided to dedicate a year to researching happiness and trying to become happier. The reason I'm writing about the book is this:
I didn't like it.

Almost from the start, there was something about it that rubbed me wrong. Which was surprising, given the topic. It was a well-planned project, I'll give it that. Rubin - who is an author, wife, and mother of two - made a chart and had a specific focus for each month. One month she focused on her marriage, one month she focused on organizing her home, and along the way she made goals such as 'sing in the morning' and 'read Aristotle'. I appreciated the idea of being intentional about meaningful things. I think it's good to set goals and have self-evaluations. It's good to realize how much having a good attitude effects others and lets you be open to giving more to others. The book was filled with the research and anecdotes Rubin collected from copious reading on the subject of happiness, which was interesting. So why did it bother me and make it hard for me to care about finishing?

Part of it was the little sayings she came up with and repeated and repeated throughout the book. The thought which started the book was one which she relayed as fact: "The days are long, but the years are short". I'm not completely clear on why she repeated it as a profound truth. She also came up with lists she called "The Secrets Of Adulthood" and "The Seven Splendid Truths". Honestly, I don't recall anything on the list specifically, just the look-what-I-know titles irked me. Maybe I'm being harsh, but my other problem quickly became the very topic itself: happiness.

The dictionary defines happiness simply as "the quality or state of being happy", which leads to the definition of happy:

1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.

2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.

3. favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky: a happy, fruitful land.

Happiness, then, is very dependent on circumstances. In part it's a choice, to have a Pollyanne attitude, but it's also very much built upon things and happenings, outside circumstances which create that feeling. Rubin fully embraces this by taking her life and trying to make it better. She examines her home, her money, her marriage, and her attitude and approach to life. She was forthright about her own shortcomings, times she was impatient and annoyed, and close-up this might seem good. But pull back a minute and consider: She's had best-selling books, so is financially stable and is recognized for her writing. So when she is frustrated about a bad review of the book "40 Ways To Look At JFK", which was her follow-up to "40 Ways To Look At Winston Churchill" (I've never been inspired to pick up books with number lists in the titles), I don't have much sympathy, because I can't relate. 

If the book was written by someone living in a third-world country or dealing with a serious illness or simply someone in the lower-to-middle class - basically, someone who can't order a shelf full of books on any topic at a moment's notice, or splurge on her favorite expensive pens, or start a blog fro her comfy home office and quickly get a large following because of already having a known name, then I think it would be actually inspiring. But pouring all one's energy into making their already privileged life more golden? Yeah, good for you, have fun with that.

Finally though, I think the real reason the whole project felt flat to me was that Rubin is not a Christian, not a person of any faith at all, and is therefore building this empire of happiness based only on herself and this life. She set aside one month for exploring religion/spirituality, but the farthest that went was having a favorite saint and inserting a couple of Bible verses along with many other quotes. For me, happiness is found in God. The two simply can't be disconnected. Whether it's being happy because of a deep friendship or a beautiful day, the thanks goes to God. I know that each day and year is a gift, and in striving to live for the purpose to which I was created fills me with a sense of purpose and joy which, sure, you could label as happiness. The complete lack of realization for the magnitude of grace was a gaping hole in the year-long project. Everything Rubin did was in her own strength. Her own research and efforts. She may be well-known and financially set (rolling off that success she quickly penned a sequel of sorts, "Happiness At Home"), but a life without faith isn't something I'd trade for. I know families who have sold their American belongings and stable lives to move to Africa and other countries to do mission work, and are happy in the peace of serving God. I grew up in a home where 'extra' funds were hard to find, yet my parents have always managed not only to provide with love but to give generously and whole-heartedly. Yet in "The Happiness Project", the title feeling was found in starting a collection and creating a book club. These things in themselves are perfectly fine. I have nothing against them. Yet at the end of your life, do you really want to be remembered for starting a popular book club and for teaching your kids that personal comfort and good karma is all this life is about? 

Overall I think the book was an interesting idea but hard to get excited about. It's not one I'd recommend: I was glad to finally finish, and to not become more annoyed with the author. Yet I was glad to have the excuse to re-examine where my happiness comes from. Starting thought processes and conversations is never a bad thing, and in that at least, you could say the book made me ... happy.