Declaration

The other day I had this day-dream where I was asked to tell the person I was facing who I am. He was a stranger who was threatening people I love because yes, I have a hero complex. (Now hush and let me imagine saving a fragment of this messed-up the world, because standing strong feels better than falling down in defeat.) The words in my head turned to words on a page, starting with strengths and expanding to include confessions of foibles and weaknesses. Although there is probably not enough of the difficult, the messy, the unflattering and even ugly, for what it's worth, here it is. 



I am the first-born daughter of a first-born daughter.
I can say to my five brothers "Come", and they do.
I can run for over two hours without stopping.
I can swim far out into the ocean, past the breakers, and not be frightened.
I can recite many things, from poetry to profanity, from Shakespeare to the Fibonacci sequence.
I am selfish and self-centered, and empathetic and kind.
I feel too much, cry too often, rage in cold silence, hold onto things too long, and attempt to be hopeful, brave, and encouraging.
I am an activist and will speak up for the marginalized and oppressed.
I care far too much about what other people think.
Sometimes I feel ashamed that I have such a good life when so many people have it so hard, because I know I'm certainly not any more deserving than anyone else, and am I ever truly grateful?
I worry over wasted time, and over words both unsaid and which are unable to be taken back.
I have saved a life.
I have known much of death. The number of people I've known who have died spills over both hands.
I am a traveler.
I am a writer.
I am a forever reader.
I enjoy public speaking even though it also terrifies me and makes me feel as though my heart will pound out of my chest.
I fret ridiculously over my appearance, when there are such bigger things to care about.
I am a romantic, and develop crushes quickly.
I imagine being a hero an embarrassing amount of times.
Faith is the most important part of who I am. I may be wrong in what I believe, yet I believe it with all my heart.
When I was a little girl, I once became amazed at the reality that I given life on this earth when I could have never been, and I sometimes try and recall that overwhelmingly grateful feeling.
I am a daughter, sister, friend, assistant, co-worker, and other roles which I pray are to come.
I try to find and collect any beauty which the world has to offer.
I am more optimistic for others than for myself.
I believe that the light is more brilliant because of the darkness, and I will always reach for it.