Downpour
A poem I wrote while thinking of one of my brothers who is going through a painful time, collected from feelings of my own times of grief.
First
you go through grief
(Grief: see
ripping, howling, tearing, scorching, pounding, searing, gnashing, wailing, falling, weeping, keening)
It consumes
labor pains of loss
You feel it all / you feel numb
your chest will crack open you'll split in two
you have no tears / you have nothing but them
For a brief reprieve, a moment to breathe, there is denial
("I'm okay, it wasn't that bad" "It's not really over")
Then,
not stronger, but coming from a place of strength, a will to live,
is anger
You go through grief in acknowledgement of what is gone
You go through anger
because of the unfairness of having to live through the first
(Anger: see
blame, justification, self-righteousness, finger-pointing, pain-intoxicated rising from the humiliation of the devastation, surging across the loss)
Next
bargaining
("I can fix this, work with me")
depression
("It's all over, I'll never be alright again")
Until, one day,
there is acceptance
Grief is a part of the landscape of your life
Many times
you avert your eyes not wanting to see and be reminded
Other times
you visit the place, finding,
you can still hear the howling
in the corner of the wind
but it is less and less raw
you have to listen hard
You can still see the places
where the ground was burned bare
yet you are amazed
by the covering of flowers and grass
which have grown and bloomed so well
You had thought surely nothing could ever grow there again
yet in time
the soil became richer than ever
When you were ready
to walk into that valley of your heart once more
(and to let another in)
you did so
with the knowledge of the devastation which could occur
and in the strength of chosen vulnerability
you did so anyway
Right now
there is the grief
everywhere, and all around
It is alright for it to flood
it is alright for it to linger: as it runs it's course, you'll rise
it is alright
it is alright
it
is.
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