Leap

"Give your heart then change your mind

You're allowed to do it

Cause God knows it's been done to you

And somehow you got through it

Alive in the age of worry

Rage in the age of worry

Sing out in the age of worry

And sing, Worry, why should I care?"

 - The Age Of Worry, by John Mayer 

I found this note on my phone from July 2017:

I want my life to be a series of experiences which end with me saying "That was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I'm so glad I did it." Even if I don't always succeed, I hope to try and fail rather than never trying at all. 

Going back a little further, I found another note which reads:

Sometimes in life I feel as though I'm standing on the edge of a precipice, and with all my heart I want to leap, and with all my being I fear to fall.

I believe that fear and bravery go hand-in-hand, because it's only when one is afraid and decides to act anyway that bravery is accomplished. The two notes, written two months apart, are both true of me at the same time. I can be afraid - of failing, flailing, or falling - and also make the choice to act anyway. 

The thing about fear is that basically it's the same as it's ever been, only we keep inventing new names for specific phobias, which kind of feels like adding on legs to a millipede. Once, our society may have feared attack by bear or mountain lion, or not having enough food to last the winter, whereas now we're accosted with social anxieties or ones having to do with technology (like being in a plane crash). Perhaps there are indeed more fears now than ever before, but I think more likely that they're simply replaced over time as society changes. 

The precipice I pictured could be a great decision, or pursuing a dream, or even just a conversation which could change things. It's anything where the step forward is unknown, and the taking of that step in the first place can be weighed out, back and forth, as being either right or wrong from various angles. It's to take the job, or not. To tell someone you like them, or stay quiet. To go to the audition, or avoid the potential denial. Move to the new city, or move back in with your parents, go to counseling, start a business, try and learn a new skill, get married, become a parent, be friends with someone who is difficult, admit when things are not okay, and onwards. 

The frozen space of time before the step in a new direction can be paralyzing. But if we fall, we can usually get back up. Or, if we don't take the leap, we will be faced with another precipice eventually. We are our choices, and our choices make up our stories. So, let's write them out in our chosen directions, with all our hearts.