Blue

"Blue lips, blue veins
Blue, the color of our planet
From far, far away
Blue, the most human color
Blue, the most human color"
 - Blue Lips, by Regina Spektor


About three months ago, I decided to dye the ends of my hair blue. I wanted a change, and my hair is the perfect kind: noticeable yet non-permanent. It's been dyed red, highlighted, cut short, bobbed, and finally, blue. I had to go to a couple of salons here in Ecuador before I found one with blue dye. The guy who did my hair bleached and dyed more than I had requested - about half my hair - yet even so, I couldn't have been more delighted.

Even now, weeks after the change, I still love having blue hair. Walking down the street, I'll sometimes catch a glimpse of the sun reflecting on the dark blue ends, and it still makes me smile. The first reason I had it dyed was wanting a change, yes, however I also wanted it done as a sort of social experiment.

I'm always interested in other people's reactions and perspectives. No one can see inside another person's mind: all we have it what they tell us with words and non-verbal cues. Personally, I've always struggled with yearning strongly for other people's approval. I want to be a person who relies completely on God's approval and my own sense of value in Christ, yet every day when I get dressed I pick out clothes based not just on my own style and what I want to wear, but on who I'll be seeing that day and how I believe they perceive me, among other decisions. 

Many people have shared my delight about having blue hair. The youth I work with have enjoyed touching it and asking me why, smiling and curious, knowing that through this new novelty, I am still me. Many people have asked when it will come out. The answer is that it won't: I'll have to cut it or dye over it. Others have shrugged and kept their opinions mostly to themselves. I wrestle with wanting approval or even simply acceptance, and longing to merely not care. I am happy, and since it's a decision which doesn't have any long-term effects, what does it matter what anyone else thinks?

 I once worked for a woman who was emphatic in her opinions.
"You should get bangs," she announced one day.
"Eh," I said. "I've had them before, but my hair is too curly. They don't look good on me."
"I think they'd look great. You should try it."
"I have, I didn't like it," I repeated.
She looked as though she didn't believe me.

Everyone has opinions. It's good to hear and share them, but no one should base their life on what someone else thinks. It's good to be effected by them in a healthy way when they are for someone else's well-being and best interests. My social experiment with having blue hair proved the age-old wisdom that you can't judge a book by it's cover. I'm still me with blue hair, both to others and to myself.