Misadventures In Single Life

Seven years ago I was the admin assistant for a maternity ministry in Austin called Breath Of Life. The job had many ups and downs and for many reasons left unresolved I eventually had to leave. However that time also resulted in the following story which I sent to fellow single friends. Here it is, a recycled saga which still makes me smile. 

March 29th, 2010

There I was; Monday morning, going about my regular routine of getting the mail at the Breath Of Life P.O. box. I was sorting the mail at one of those counters they have at the post office for just that purpose when a guy walks up with a large stack of mail and says, "Mind if I share the space?"

I answered that it was fine (there is room enough that he didn't have to ask).

Guy: "Sorting out the good mail from the junk". 

Me: "Mmmhmm."

Guy: "So how's your day been going?"

Me: "Oh, fine so far. Regular Monday." (It's 10:30 in the morning)

Guy: "That's the truth! So what do you do for a living?" (I had picked up my mail and started to walk away and he walked with me. Note: this question is never easy for me to answer to anyone, let alone a perfect stranger)

Me: "I work for a maternity ministry. We help homeless, single moms."

Guy: "That's really great! What's your name?"

Me: (I have a thing about giving out my real name to people I don't know well, or online. I'd probably be this way even if I didn't have a more unusual name. My default is my middle name, Alyse, but all I could think was, "Don't say Sonnet," so I blurted out the first S name that came to mind) "Sara."

Guy: "Nice to meet you Sara. I'm Todd." (he shakes my hand. He holds the door open for me as we leave the post office).

Me: "So what do you do for a living?" (he can't just ask ALL the questions)

Guy: "I'm an IT guy. We need plenty of those around here!" 

Me: (nod and smile. By now I've had a chance to have a good look at him. He has salt and pepper hair and looks to be in his forties. He's wearing some sort of woven vest thing with a few tassels on the ends. Not Jewish tassels, just tassels for decoration. It looks very indigenous ... to somewhere ... I can't help thinking about the office counselor dude from "Stranger Than Fiction". Not a complimentary comparison.)

Guy: "Do you live around here?"

Me: "Yeah, Austin area." (purposefully vague)

Guy: "Oh yeah, me too. So are you a single lady?"

Me: "Yes." (wrong answer, wrong answer!)

Guy: "Oh well maybe we could get coffee sometime?"

Me: "Oh ... maybe ... " (No.)

Guy: "I wonder how that would work (small laugh). I'd have to call you ..." (we're standing in the post office parking lot)

Me: "Well ... maybe we'll just bump into each other here again ..." (sidestepping towards my car. Why didn't I say that I had a boyfriend? Next time I'm going to make up a boyfriend whom I'm madly in love with.)

Guy: (gets an, "I get it" look) "Yeah, ok. Well it was nice to meet you." (shakes my hand again)

Me: "Yes, you too."

Guy: (calls over his shoulder as he walks away) "You have a really nice smile!"

I get in my car. I sit there somewhat in shock. Then I laugh. Half of me thinks, "Poor guy, he went for it, and I was so taken off guard that I couldn't even give him a reason for not going out with him other than I wasn't interested." The other half of me thinks, "He knew it was a hit or miss. He came on waaaaaay strong, and in some cases it's great to be so bold, but really, he was probably 15 years older than me at the very least. Sorry dude, but no thanks."

So yes, I lied about my name, and wished that I had made up a boyfriend, but at least I got the "really nice smile" compliment. It definitely added some flavor to a regular Monday morning.  

Thus concludes this episode of "Misadventures In Single Life".

May 3rd, 2010

You won't believe it. I saw the guy at the post office again, and he tried to hit on me, again! 

So there I was, getting mail from the Breath Of Life PO Box, when I hear:

"I like your shoes."

I look up. There is Post Office Guy, a.k.a. Todd. 

Me: "Thanks." (I'm wearing red wedges. I give him a brief, half smile and continue walking towards the door, intently sorting through my mail.)

Guy: says something about getting the usual mail, mostly junk, haha.

Me: (didn't he say the same thing before? ) "Mmhmm." (still walking. Now he's walking after me.)

Guy: "Hey I'm Todd." (holds out his hand for me to shake)

Me: (looks back at him while still walking and not taking him up on the handshake. Cue half-smile number 2.) "Yes. We met before. I'm Sara." (wow, it came out so naturally)

Guy: "Oh that's right, now I remember. I thought you looked familiar. Here, let me get that." (quickly walks ahead of me and holds open the door)

We walk outside.

Me: (over my shoulder again) "Have a good day. It's certainly great weather!" (now if that isn't a 'so long, farewell, leave me alone remark' ...)

Guy: "I also remember that we were supposed to get coffee sometime."

Me: (... or not. Mentally puts hand to forehead.) "Actually I'm sort of seeing someone right now ..." (I'm not. Yet the phrase 'seeing someone' is itself so vague, so I didn't think it was that bad of a lie. Then again I already made up an alias. Why not a boyfriend to go with it?)

 Again we are standing in the post office parking lot. Does he do this a lot? I'm starting to think so.

Guy: "That's right, I remembered that, I just wanted to make you smile. You have a really great smile."

Me: (smile)

Guy: "And you do have nice shoes. Have a good day!"

Me: "You too."

Me: (get in car and try not to laugh until he is completely out of sight)

I might say poor guy, but it would seem that he does this a lot, and that if he tried it on me twice it's probably not working so well, which you'd think he'd figure out. Todd Todd Todd ... Somewhere out there is a girl who will find your 80's style clothes, receeding hair line and asking-her-out-in-two-minutes-flat to be quite endearing. But it is not me. Nor will it probably be anyone of my generation. Food for thought.

Episode two of "Misadventures In Single Life", or, "Why Sonnet Decided To Find A New Time To Visit The Post Office From Now On".