Dear Trey

"We are free, He died and lives again
We will be a people freed from sin
We'll be free, a kingdom with no end"
- Manifesto, by The City Harmonic 


Dear Trey,

I didn't really know you, but when I heard the news, I wept. No parent should have to bury their own child, let alone a seventeen-year-old who takes their own life.

If you had been given a vision of the aftermath, would it have made you change your mind? If you could have seen the ripple effect of grief through a missions community, a school - scores of people in two countries - would you have made a different choice? The memorial service: I've never seen anything like it. Your closest friends, the ones who had moved away to the States, flew back to Ecuador and spoke about you. Your best friend wore jeans and tennis shoes because he said you made him promise that whether it was your wedding or your funeral, he wouldn't dress up. But he wore a suit jacket nonetheless, because he said, "He deserves better."

Your friends spoke of your love and kindness. Your humor. Your loyalty. They also spoke of your stubbornness. "When Trey made up his mind, that was it," was an echoing refrain.

The service was packed to overflowing. Everyone from your school, from the Youth World missions community, and from your Dad's skate park ministry were there. We worshiped and cried and worshiped. Then, your Dad spoke.

"It was no one's fault. I know that there was nothing which I or my wife or school counselors or friends or anyone could have done to prevent or stop what happened. The only one who could have stopped Trey ... was God. God could have intervened yet didn't, and I don't know why, but I know that when I see Trey one day in heaven, I'm going to run to him and give him the biggest bear hug ever. I will miss Trey every day, but I believe God is sovereign through everything."

So many people love your parents, Trey. When you attempted to take your life the first time, when depression started taking over all of you, they made the decision to move you and your sisters back to the States to get help and be near extended family and your friends who had moved away. Your parents had built a life in Ecuador over the past decade but you, their child, was more important. Oh I hope you didn't feel guilty about that. I hope you didn't feel like a burden. It was all done out of love. Your Dad might say it was no one's fault, but you have to know that they are wracked with unanswered questions nonetheless. What more could they have done? What signs did they miss? How could they have gotten through to you? Painful questions which grow from grief. Your absence isn't the easing of some burden. It's the overwhelming weight of loss. If you had been able to see past the darkness, could you have realized the impact of your leaving, how thoroughly you'd be grieved?

Trey, I hope you have peace and light. I hope depression and darkness burden you no more. I hope your parents and sisters find healing. I hope you will be waiting for that day when your Dad, and the rest of your family, gets to run to you and wrap you in his arms once more. You are loved, you are missed, and you are remembered.