Dear Possible Employer
About a year and a half ago, I was deep in the throes of searching for a new job while returning to the States. Still in Ecuador, I poured over my resume, trying to encapsulate my work experience there for the past five years. I fretted over both content and length, reading numerous articles on the topic and exploring sites filled with job listings for an administrative assistant, or something in that realm with a similar name. In the midst of this search, I found a funny Reddit post where someone asked, "How do you (write a) cover letter?" to which another person replied with the quote from Star Wars, "Return Of The Jedi", where Luke - now a calm and collected Jedi knight - goes to free Han and Leia and must obtain an audience with Jabba and Hutt. The post broke down how the speech fitted nicely into the context of asking for an interview. Brilliant.
Taking a break from serious job searching (which all ended up just fine, better than I could have known), I wrote my own ridiculous cover letter, simply for my own enjoyment. I found it the other day when trying to help a friend with her resume. For your entertainment, here it is:
Greetings, Giver Of Grand Employment Opportunities,
I am Sonnet Medrano, first of her name, keeper of keys, and trained for 12+ years in the varied field of Administration and Finance. In seeking a new employment opportunity in this vicinity and field, I heard tell of your advertisement and believe it would be mutually beneficial to request an audience with your greatness. I am highly interested in working with your esteemed company, which is well established with a good reputation.
Holding the title of Notary Public for the State of Texas, I am capable of assisting with legal documents through notarization. I am skilled in the fine art of filing and collating. Organization, communication, and creativity are my calling; I beckon unto them for the benefit of everyone around me. I am bilingual in Spanish and English. I am knowledgeable in a number of computer programs including Word, Excel, and basic Photoshop, and have created and maintained websites using Wordpress, Squarespace, and others. Writing is something I thoroughly enjoy, be it informational or imaginative. Overseeing events is something I have done much of through the years, including several annual fundraising banquets and a large celebratory program and dinner. Handling finances has become second nature, whether it be through a program such as Quickbooks or a system put into place strictly for the organization.
I am a reliable, versatile professional who is hard-working, takes initiative, and is a good player on teams. I look forward to hearing a return in correspondence from you, and hope to meet in person to further discuss this opportunity forthwith and posthaste.
With deep admiration and respect,
Sonnet Medrano
Here is the Reddit post, with a warning to some for the swear word at the beginning:
Comments
-Chrissy