jury is out, doctor is in

well the jury is out but the doctor is in
and he whisks me along and says "Time to begin"
while all of my peers
are fighting their own fears

so attendance is up but the average is low
and I'm talking too fast but I'm moving too slow
and everything grand
seems to happen unplanned

it's a pilfered design by an entrepreneur
it's a illness where poison is the only cure
the jury all yawns
while the judge just looks on

things could happen too fast if they happen at all
thought I knew what I wanted then wanted it all
and all of my doubts
come screaming on out

it's the dream that I have every time I'm awake
it's the choices and chances and odd-shaped mistakes
I'm giving my blood
in a trickling flood

keep on trying and breaking and mending again
though I'm made I'm no puppet of God or of man
doc points out the stars
as I'm counting my scars

so I'll write this on paper, the sky or the ground
as I swallow my pride, try to wash it all down
hold hope in a flask
like an illusive task

in the end may it not count when we ran away
but the times that we fought and the reasons we stayed
and before I appealed
the judge said I'd be healed

a meticulous, crashing, mellifluous song
so raw and heartbreaking, I'll shout right along
until life is done
make it count: there's just one